sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
