dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
