How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
