I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
