I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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