I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
