Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
