I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
