I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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