I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
