took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
