sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
