she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
