He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
