it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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