I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
