well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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