Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Four minutes until I can fart!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
