All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
