I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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