turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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