I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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