The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
