Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
