hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
