My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
