It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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