I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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