I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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