I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
