I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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