I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
