when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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