his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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