Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
