They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love you. Go after that dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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