you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
