I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
