she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
