Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
