Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
