and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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