Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wear drunk well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
