I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
