Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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