my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
