She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
