i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
