So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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