He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
